Back when cable TV was almost a luxury, and unless you lived far away from a metro area you had to wait for your street to be torn up to get 57 channels from a big ugly box, ESPN delivered sports without a whole lot of BS.

Maybe it’s because Disney owns the place now, but somewhere along the way, ESPN became – to turn a phrase from the NBA playoffs – “Hollywood as Hell.”

It’s not enough to show a game. Now the game needs a storyline. Is Vince McMahon consulting or something? I suppose we’ll know for sure if next season some guy ends up in tights named “Mr. Ass.”

The hours between the games are filled with shows where self-professed experts gaze into their navels and speculate over things that haven’t happened yet. Last week over lunch, the discussion was over what would LeBron James’ legacy in the NBA be if Dwayne Wade were named MVP. Seriously?

I suppose this is what is to be expected out of the network that gave us “The Decision.” America loves itself a good trainwreck, and we haven’t had a good narcissist to point and stare at since Michael Jackson left this earth. The boys in Bristol are more than happy to give King James an audience. How else could someone be declared the greatest player ever in the game, without ever showing the mental tenacity (or for that matter, the desire) to carry his team to a championship?

Strip away the fog and lights and Miami has three skilled players. But until they can actually play as a team, it’s a little premature to run a “Heat Meter” and compare them to a Jordan-led Bulls team. You actually have to play the games, a fact that’s frequently glossed over while watching SportsCenter.

But just as I’m finding myself to be happier with how I view the state of our nation by not watching cable news, I’m beginning to think that I’ll be happier about the teams that I care about if I ignore all umpteen ESPN networks unless a game is actually on. Then, if I turn the center channel down on the surround sound I won’t have to listen to the announcers.

It might work.

The road goes on forever, and the party never ends

I took this not that far out of La Grange on day 2 of the MS 150. I liked the sight of everyone going up the hill, so when I saw a flat point where I could get some momentum going after stopping, I pulled over and got the shot. It was a peaceful morning, and I thought this captured the moment.

This was my first take and the better of the two composition-wise, except in this shot I got my finger in front of the edge of the lens. The other shot I took in this location was posted the day of the ride. Today I finally had a chance to crop out my finger and post the shot I really liked.

If you’d like to donate to the ride, you can do so before May 17th.

Um, you mean we’re supposed to be riding?

April really snuck up on me, and it sounds like I’m not alone. Most of us last night had only been out once or twice. Life’s been pretty zippy the past few months, and I haven’t been on the bike very much.

So all we can do is mash the pedals and do the best we can. Tuesday I leave for Vegas to run the gauntlet that is NAB and then immediately upon my return I’m off to the MS150. I don’t know how far I’ll ride this year, but I’ll give it everything I’ve got.

To those who have donated, thank you. If you’d like to donate, there’s still time.

2 years ago, on the Lynchberg Ferry during a training ride.

Last weekend I got my butt back on the bicycle for the first time since October.

I ended up leading a group of new PCC riders to Froberg’s Farm and back – about 28 miles.

I was a bit rusty after all of that time off, and my hamstrings were speaking quite loudly when I got back to the car, but it’s good to be back and good that the weather is cooperating. Plus I got to teach a newbie how to change a tire and teach him the importance of riding with spare tubes & tools. I’ll bet he’ll have a saddle bag with a tool kit on his bike this weekend – it would have been much worse if he got that flat while riding alone.

I’m $200 away from hitting the minimum fundraising requirement for this ride, and I’d really like to blow past the minimum before April. Special thanks go out to Comrex Corporation for stepping up with $100 a few weeks back. Can you spare $25 or $50 for MS? Okay, can you spare $5 or $10? Every donation is appreciated, and every donation makes a difference in someone’s life.

Next time, I'm going to deliver flowers myself.

While yes, I did get my money back, this photo really makes me angry.

She deserves better.

I can feel date night coming on…

Hey, at least I didn’t fall for the FTD Groupon that was more expensive than ordering without the coupon…

But I decided to give ProFlowers a shot. While she’d get her flowers in a box, they’re supposed to last and the prices aren’t totally out of line. They tacked on an extra fee for guaranteed Valentines delivery, but such is life.

However, today is Wednesday, and those flowers still are Out For Delivery.

Out For Delivery... riiight.

I had a bad feeling on Monday when I clicked to track and it showed that ProFlowers set it up as UPS Blue with a due date of Wednesday, but they would be delivered “early” on Monday, yet they weren’t out for delivery yet. However, UPS doesn’t always update its tracking right away, and surely a flower company wouldn’t ship flowers on Friday to arrive Monday via 2nd day air, would they?

On the other hand, the tracking report says the shipment originated here in Houston, so they just have to go across town. How hard can it be?

So, I waited. By the end of the day, I had to spoil the surprise and tell Laura she should have received flowers. It turns out that half of her co-workers got boxes from ProFlowers. When I called, the recording said they wouldn’t be officially late until 8PM local time. Fair enough. We had dinner and I dropped her back to her office to pick up her car after 8 and UPS was a no-show.

I called back and talked to the rep.

“I see you have guaranteed delivery.”

Yes. What exactly are you guaranteeing?

“Well, we can send a replacement arrangement, or we can give you store credit… or, if you won’t accept anything reasonable we can refund your money.”

Gee, thanks for trying to make me feel like a total jerk for holding you to your own guarantee, Mr. CSR. I told them to refund my shipping.

Tuesday

3:16 AM: UPS says the package was delayed due to “Emergency conditions beyond UPS’ control.” Yeah, it must have been that winter storm that rolled in and left us with 70 degrees and sunshine. Out for delivery today.

Or, so I thought. Sure enough, another day passes and Laura gets no flowers. I called back that evening and got the rest of my money back.

9:58PM: UPS again cites “emergency conditions” beyond their control.

Wednesday

Well, today we’re now at the original “scheduled delivery” date, so as far as UPS is concerned their package isn’t late. It’s Out for Delivery again. Will Laura get her flowers before she flies to Denver to visit her brother? It’s anybody’s guess.

However it’s a good thing that ProFlowers offers a 7 day freshness guarantee… because it may take that long for the flowers to show up in the first place.

Like last year, it falls on the weekend after the NAB Show, so doing this ride involves spending about 10 days in Vegas, jumping on a plane on Friday night, and then getting up really early and riding a bicycle to La Grange the next morning.

Added to the mix this year was the uncertainty of whether the sales department at Cox was going to use me to direct a team. I haven’t heard a peep out of them since October. I felt like if I went ahead and signed up anyway then they’d come back with some elaborate plan and I’d need to change everything… so I sat back and waited.

But with the ride just about to fill up, I decided it was time to jump back in with Team Dream and get rolling for another year. So yes, I’ll be bugging everyone for a donation. Heck, if you need to get a tax deduction in for 2010, why not click and donate this week and then come back and do it again in 2011?

Memo to LeDwayne Bosh: maybe before you throw your coach under the bus you should play a little harder. You’re entitled to a paycheck because you signed contracts, but you’re not entitled to a championship.

Those are earned.

New Braunfels is a nice place, but most people get here by car.

Driving in to San Antonio on Friday night, I noticed the freeway exit for Texas Lutheran University in Seguin, home of lunch on day 1, and thought “Hey, this doesn’t seem so far out of town.” Then I noticed that the car was beginning to descend down a long hill.

Yup, I’m not in Houston anymore…

But this was a great ride, and of all the organized rides I’ve done over the years, it’s still my favorite, no matter how many different ways they come up with naming this ride. (I think the final jumble of words ended up being “Bike MS: Valero Alamo Ride To The River, presented by H-E-B.” Say that 3 times fast.)

At the starting line, Day 1

Day 1

Over the past three years, our team has become pretty adept at raising funds and attracting sponsorships. We ended up surpassing our goal of $20,000 and ended up as the 8th top team (9th once you count Valero) so we were able to line up 9th in the chute. This was a great perk – with an 8:00 start, we were out of the chute and on the course by 8:15. In previous years it took as long as 45 minutes to cross the starting line.

Once on the course, I was able to keep the speed up fairly well. Downhill, I was clocking around 25 and sustaining 18 – 20 in the flats. Uphill, I was like your usual Houstonian: 8 – 13 MPH. But either I am stronger than last year or else the wind was at my back at several points. Either way, I made good time.

Loaded in the chute, ready to roll.

From the Alamodome we cruised through downtown, past the Alamo, and began climbing up through St. Hedwig and La Vernia. I now understand the attraction to La Vernia’s yearly Hammerfest – that town has some fun rolling hills.

Most unexpected sign to see: in some little town between La Vernia and Seguin, you could come back for speed dating on Sunday night at 6. Who says small town life is dull?

Although I was a ride marshal and thus was stopping to help folks along the way, I still kept a good enough pace to make the 2:30 century loop cut-off. However, after lunch my hamstrings began to make their feelings known, and I came up with this:

Top 5 Reasons to Miss The Century Loop

1. I didn’t want to be useless on day 2
2. If I skipped the loop, I’d finish at 3:00; the Rudy’s BBQ was due at the tent by 3:30.
3. It was getting hot and I needed to sit and drink more water & sports drink
4. The wind was starting to pick up
5. Did somebody say BBQ?

The Final Tally, Day 1

Within the last mile or two, we hit a killer hill, and a rider was stopped with a mechanical problem along the side. Me, being the flatlander, didn’t realize that there was no way I could clip out without going down… so as soon as I tried to turn my foot, I went over. The road rash was minimal (thankfully I landed off the road).

Finished about 3:10, found the first aid tent and cleaned up my knee, and Lloyd hooked us up with some BBQ right on schedule, along with beverages & snacks from Starbucks, his sister the massage therapist, and cold chocolate milk – the best recovery beverage EVER.

Most appropriate iPod Shuffle song: Gnarls Barkley – Crazy at mile 68.

The Overnight

After a massage, some food, some great conversation – did I mention how much I loved my teammates? – and sitting for a couple of hours, I decided to grab my luggage and head to the shuttle bus and head to the hotel for a shower and some sleep.

Here’s one of the big pluses of the new route to New Braunfels – that town is built for tourism, so they have hotels – lots of them and at different price points. When we rode to Corpus Christi, the overnight was a difficult 93 miles from the start and the overnight was in Beeville. Unless you’re incarcerated at the prison in Beeville, there are very few places to stay in that town unless you crash out on the college gym floor or unless you drive 30 to 40 miles in any direction.

The leg that wasn’t scraped up was starting to spasm something fierce and I was not walking very well off of the shuttle. More precisely, I was shuffling and limping like a little old man. So the desk clerk told me “I have the perfect room for you. It’s the room I put my mother in when she comes to visit.” I figured out why: it was the very first room off of the lobby.

I shuffled in, showered, and slept for an hour or so. I was hungry again. Notice from the photo of the Garmin that I burned somewhere in the neighborhood of 5,000 calories on Saturday. I wasn’t intending to give them all back when I walked across the parking lot to the Hilton Garden Inn, but I could tell from how I was feeling that I was proverbially low on fuel so I ate. Then I shuffled back and fell asleep again.

By now it was about 10:30 and I had a serious case of heartburn from dinner and I couldn’t get my leg into a comfortable position. I was starting to question if I would be able to move at all the next day and whether I could finish this thing or not. I asked at the front desk if the Best Western had a vending machine with ibuprofen or anything like that. No, and the closest Walgreens is a half mile away. Then I remembered that the Hilton Garden Inn across the parking lot has stuff like that in the lobby. An overpriced bottle of Advil and roll or Rolaids in my hand, I was back to bed and back to sleep. The alarm went off at 4 and while I wasn’t 100%, I was good enough to push on.

Day 2

Ready to Roll for Day 2

I got in line early so our team could be at the front of the public pack. The reserved section for day 2 was the Karaoke winners, the club 100 (100 top fundraisers) and Silver Stars (individuals who raised more than $1000.

Lisa from the MS Society walked up, pointed to us, and said “Starbucks… Neurology Center… you guys won the Karaoke contest. You need to come to the front.” Really? You mean someone on our team entered the contest? Then she had the contest winner come up and sing. He wasn’t on our team. Whoops. He was wearing a Starbucks jersey… we had Starbucks as a corporate sponsor… so thanks dude for singing Frankie Valli with a great falsetto, whoever you are.

I'm awake, really!

Thanks to the wonders of Alleve, about the only problem I had on day 2 was lifting my leg over the seat when mounting and dismounting. The start of the ride wasn’t fun – a downhill slope quickly gave way to a pretty big climb without a chance to warm up. Then, down another hill.

Just as you thought you were settling in with a decent amount of speed, in comes another obstacle: teams that decided to bend the rules and create their own start line. Britton’s Bicycle Shop, I’m calling you out. We were jamming along at 20+, and right as we were waved through an intersection by police here comes 50 or so riders from Britton’s pulling out in front of us from a parking lot. They’re lucky they didn’t cause a major wreck. Memo to Britton’s: having your entire team pull out into oncoming traffic en masse is not how you want to advertise your shop.

Yesterday we did what I call a bunch of garbage miles after lunch: extra roads tacked on for the sake of piling on the miles. After all, it was maybe 17 miles from lunch in Seguin to New Braunfels if we took a more direct route. Instead, we piled on miles on flat farm roads and dealt with wind and really lousy pavement.

Can I get an Amen with that PB&J?

Today, we took the highway – nice, smooth, and direct. In a blink of an eye we were in Seguin and then winding our way back to La Vernia via New Berlin.

Lunch was at the Hope Church in La Vernia. I’m not sure if they worship in this space; it was more like a big barn. But they had a really loud Jesus rock band in the corner cranking out the tunes and they definitely had some talent. It may have looked like a bunch of college students playing, but they never missed a note and knew how to harmonize. They didn’t get much applause because we were so busy chowing down, but they were appreciated.

After La Vernia it was familiar territory – we were more or less on the same path as yesterday. Some streets were different on the way in because we did not pass the Alamo on the way back, but that nice long descent on the way out that we all whooped it up on whooped us back as we had to climb it again. There you are, three miles away, and it just kept climbing and climbing…

The Final Tally, Day 2

The indoor finish was nice inside the Alamodome, but the best part had to be using a real locker room with decent showers at the end of the ride.

So, even though they haven’t set a date for next October yet, I put my money down yesterday and signed up for my fifth year. It’s my favorite ride. I have to be there.

I’m pretty pumped up for the challenge. While there’s always the hope that I’ll make it to the gate by 2:30 to do the century loop and do 100 miles on day 1, I’m a ride marshal this year so I’ll probably be spending a lot of time helping people change tires. But I know I can do the 70 on day 1 and 60 on day 2.

Our team rocks this year. Lloyd has hooked us up with Oakley & Starbucks as sponsors, so we all have new sunglasses and there will be coffee in the tent. Plus Lloyd’s jersey designs just keep getting better every year.

So far, the team has raised $19,219.66, which is 99% of our goal. Of course, if you haven’t donated yet, you can help us get that final percent and beyond.

We’re ranked 8th in team fundraising after Velo Valero, so we’ll be one of the first teams out of the chute Saturday morning at the Alamodome.

The weather is finally cooperating. Lows in the 60′s, highs in the 80′s. Last year it was drizzling at the start and I was a drowned rat by the end of day 1; day 2 was canceled due to flooding. I don’t think we could ask for more perfect conditions for this year.

So, tomorrow afternoon I’ll be on my way to San Antonio and we’ll see how it goes. Bring. It. On.